For people struggling with their body image, insecurity can overshadow sexual pleasure. Many people feel like they are “in their own head” while having sex: spending more time thinking about how they look rather than how they feel. Not only does this hinder the ability to orgasm, it also puts a wall between you and your partner(s). Shifting your perspective on your body can dramatically improve your sex life and lead to increased intimacy with your sexual partner(s).
If you’re struggling with body image issues and want to create a more body positive atmosphere in the bedroom, consider the following strategies:
- Focus on pleasure, not perfection. It’s common to worry about how we look or perform during sex, but it’s important to remember that pleasure, not perfection, is the goal. Instead of stressing about meeting certain standards or expectations, try to let go and focus on what feels good to you and your partner(s). This can involve engaging in mindfulness techniques, like paying attention to your breath and physical sensations in the moment instead of worrying about the future or the past. Research has shown that individuals who focus on pleasure rather than performance during sex tend to have less sexual anxiety and higher levels of sexual satisfaction.
- Practice self-love and self-care. Taking care of your body and treating it with kindness and respect is crucial for boosting self-esteem and confidence. This can include activities like practicing self-care, joyful movement, and speaking to yourself with compassion and kindness. Two decades’ worth of studies on self esteem show that individuals who engage in self-care practices tend to have higher levels of self-esteem and body satisfaction. If you are struggling with negative self-talk, make a point to find one thing you like about yourself each day and say it out loud to yourself in the mirror. This can feel silly and awkward, especially at first, but it gets easier. If you develop this practice, it will change the way you think about yourself and your body.
- Communicate with your partner(s). Open and honest communication is key to a positive sexual experience. Don’t be afraid to share your desires, boundaries, and insecurities you may have with your partner(s). They can help create a supportive and understanding environment where you feel comfortable being vulnerable. Open communication about sex has been linked to higher levels of relationship satisfaction for couples, as well as increased sexual satisfaction. It might feel awkward at first talking about your desires with your partner(s), if so here is a link to another blog post about overcoming that obstacle.
- Experiment with different positions and techniques. Trying new things can help you feel more comfortable and confident in your body. This is especially true if you have had negative experiences with certain positions or activities. Trying something brand new can be an effective way to reconnect with your sexual pleasure. It can also be a fun and exciting way to spice up your sex life. Don’t be afraid to explore different positions, techniques, and toys – the most important thing is to find what works for you and your partner(s). Romantic partners who regularly try new things in the bedroom tend to have higher levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction. Exploration feels new and exciting, even if you and your partner(s) have been together for decades.
- Embrace your unique beauty. Every body is unique and there is no “right” way to look. Remember that your body is beautiful just as it is and embrace your unique features and imperfections. It can be helpful to remind yourself that bodies come in all shapes, sizes, and abilities and that there is no such thing as a perfect body. Instead of striving for an impossible standard, try to focus on what makes you feel good about yourself and your body. If you’re finding this difficult, lean in to what makes you feel sexy. Maybe that’s putting on makeup or wearing your favorite jeans. It could also be something more overt, like wearing lingerie or nothing at all.
These tips are proven to improve sexual satisfaction, but most of the tips above can help you practice body positivity in and out of sexual contexts. Start practicing them to improve your sex life. If you find you need help getting started, please reach out and schedule time with me!
Willow Intimacy 